Memphis, TN

Yeah its pretty bleak. It seems to have been hit really hard by this recession and whole streets are shut down completely, the only businesses left open the Taco Bel and KFC. Out where my hotel was there were two other derelict motels not a hundred yards away. I think this is very much a tourist town but noone seems to be here. Even Graceland was on the quiet side, just  a few ageing pensioners and a really bizarrely angry, angry middle aged man and his absurdly overdressed wife in a silver mini skirt and six inch heels.

Graceland was weird, actually. Its completely soulless, which seems off for the home of Elvis. The house itself is pretty amazing / mental but I got very little sense of the man. It doesn't feel like anyone has ever lived there despite 'all the fixtures and furniture being original'. Even his grave site is without a sense of awe. The jet was maybe my favourite bit. The 'Lisa Marie', the private jet he used to tour with. Amazingly, the seatbelt buckles are gold plated, as are the bathroom sinks. No, really.

I didn't really make it to 'mid town' which is the sort of arty by (rather than the musical / downtown bit) except at night to go to a famous drag bar, Crossroads. I believe mid town is a bit less adversely affected but I cant confirm. I can confirm, however, that the drag was horrendous. It was like Candle Bar drag for those of you who remember the Candle Bar (which is likely none of you, since I don't think anyone form Glasgow could possibly be reading this / aware of its existence) but it was a giggle all the same. Next to me sat an ancient Chinese man dressed like a Glasgow ned. Imagine a meth-ed up version of that crazy martial arts trainer in Kill Bill complete with long wispy moustache and straggly white hair, only this time it was peeking out from under a high set baseball cap. He didn't seem to speak any english but he was LOVING the drag show, jamming dollars into the sweaty fat palms of portly drag queens every time they waddled past.

Amongst the Celine and Dolly was a seriously cracked out, crystal-skinny, black queen. According to the MC, "that bitch could paint a face and snatch up some hair to heaven" and she was blatantly as high as her 'do; all leg kicks and gurning. I don't even remember what she did, but it was pretty 'outreach'…

I think my favourite moment was the hefty, aged Cher. This 'lady' was like seventy if she was a day, and a good 18 stone. She performed to a clubbed up version of 'walking in memphis' only it was more like 'shuffling back and forth on the stage lip-synching to all hell in memphis'. Bless her. Where the other queens clambered down off stage to come and collect their hard earned 1's she had to have them delivered by willing members of the audience. (Most willing was a mullet haired diesel dyke wearing her cell phone on a rotating belt holster *shudder*.)

Anyway, the highlight of the performance came as she completed her number. It was obviously fading out so in order to free up her hands for the finale this lovely lady tottered to the back of the stage and hurled her tips to the floor, half behind the curtain that led backstage. There was some arm waving as the music faded out and a heartfelt '…middle of the pouring rain' before she graciously retired from the stage. Mostly… As the applause subsided we could still see the hefty back end of this woman, now on all fours just behind the curtain, scrabbling around, grabbing at her thrown dollars trying to scratch them up before being trampled under the man-heels of the next creature out. Amazing.